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Not to hard to say thank you?

Ever since I met my step kids one thing that has grated me no end is the way they don’t say please or thank you, my kids might have mood swings and god knows what but they are always polite and thankful.

If ever they ask for anything from a drink to their tablets it’s just ‘can I ‘ave’ (they come from Essex so this is acceptable!), their dad has tried to install polite behaviour but only having them twice a month it all goes out the window (see my shoelaces blog for that saga).

Every time they come down (Florence isn’t as bad) I always swear that I will not treat them but I did the same today, cinema tickets for tomorrow, clothes and a drink, neither said thank you for any of it, I don’t expect them to get on their knees and flag me down saying ‘thank you Vera’ but a simple nod to just acknowledge I’ve done something would be nice.

Upshot is, after her dad telling her too, Florence said thank you but Gerald after throwing a tantrum because I wouldn’t give into him for his demands of a drink that he wanted just because his sister had that one bit was quite happy with the choice beforehand and then him sulking so bad she swapped with him and I swapped it back (poor girl always gets the short end of the deal but I wasn’t having any of the Gerald show today), didn’t say thank you for any of it, so now I’ve put the tickets for sale and he is going to learn a massive lesson that behaving the way he did today doesn’t bring him treats (to be honest Florence wasn’t bothered about going), some could call it harsh but until he learns to be grateful the little sod can wait for things.

We took him to Southend a few months back and it seems the more you give him the worst his behaviour is, but he can throw all the Gerald’s he wants to, this step mama is not treating him until he learns a little bit of respect and gratitude and realises we work hard, this month has been the first month that we had a good income as I am working and we can afford to not worry as much, which has been nice but I refuse to go and buy him an ice cream from mcdonalds anymore, while he just sits there and thinks everything comes for free.

I asked him if he ever says thank you to his mum and he said no, that’s up to her if she doesn’t enforce it but while he is with me and his dad you will be grateful for all the little extras that we do for him, after all it could go back to how it was, him walking EVERYWHERE, only eating the same food every time they came (he would like that though) and not getting things like ice cream etc.

He is a lovely kid, very loving and when he wants to he is happy to help, he just always lets himself down with his gratitude, even round his grandparents house he just asks for this and that, never a please, it’s just manners!

V x

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Feel like the worst step mum ever

I don’t know if I have spoken about my stepsons eating habits or not but basically he won’t eat anything with flavour, won’t take a chance on something new (well he didn’t until recently) and won’t even go near sauces, this isn’t because he has anything wrong with him other than his mum letting him get away with having pretty much a beige diet and his mom hates pretty much anything that involves a nicely cooked vegetable that isn’t cooked to an inch of its life, so the poor boy hasn’t stood a chance up until now and now I’ve come along it’s all changed dinnerwise when he comes here, I’m not a pander type person, of course I don’t give gravy to my youngest or toad in the hole (he will eat sausage and Yorkshire just not when it’s made together, I get that he has autism and it’s a ‘thing’ for him but my eldest who is also autistic hates onion and mushroom yet we still make food with these ingredients, if cut very small he won’t even notice, I’m not a ‘two dinners’ mum, you either eat what is in front of you or go with out basically and my children have never starved with this method, anything they don’t like they just pick it out).

So anyway my step son, Gerald. He is a lovely dear little boy and a year ago their is no way he would eat a chicken korma or anything like this but this past year he has tried that and more, even asking for it the next time he stays, I’m so proud of him but Tuesday I let myself down big time, they came for dinner after school and instead of them having what we were having (pie and chips) and as it was a special day (there mum was at their great nana funeral) I decided to break my ‘two dinner’ rule and make pasta instead, but I didn’t have any pasta sauce so I used tomato ketchup and mixed a few things in it, like some garlic (which he loves) mixed herbs, four chilli (tiny) flakes and some diced up broccoli, I tried it and it tasted amazing. They get their dinner first and start and my stepdaughter Florence mentioned it was spicy but not blow your head off spicy, we tried it and it was again fine, remember this is Gerald’s favourite meal and I gave him a bigger bowl as he loves it, an hour later he is still sat there, complaining it was too spicy (he had an actual slice of garlic bread I made with real garlic and had chunks on top which in my opinion more blow your head off then the pasta yet he ate it), he still wasn’t half way through and we had to get them home as it was nearly seven (in an ideal world their go home for baths etc but that’s just a made up thing in their house) and after he criticised the broccoli (his sister said it was too hard ‘I agree Florence’ he said) I got up and removed his bowl and informed him that it was made entirely out of ketchup we asked if it sauce was that bad and he said ‘no, it was just too spicy’ (think of a really whiney voice and then triple it) again we tried it and it was the mildest thing ever, I wouldn’t mind but he tried korma, he had a very small piece of grilled pepper with cheese recently!

Thing is I got very offended, I honestly thought I’d make them a nice meal and all it got was criticised the whole time and if it was my children they would have been really thankful I made them their favourite, I went downstairs and waited for to take them home, Gerald came to say sorry but he has said sorry before over food and I know in two weeks when they come again it will be a battle (I’ve told Jim he can cook for them now, Florence will eat pretty much anything, well actually no, she asks for these things and doesn’t finish them, I’ve noticed it’s a habit lately it’s like she wants more than Gerald, she also does this thing when she doesn’t want to eat ‘can I go an make some room’ she goes off and comes back and rarely eats anything after, Gerald tried this will me a few times but I said ‘Gerald I have 16 years experience at all the tricks, you go before dinner or after, not during’. When they got to where they live Jim gave me a kiss and Gerald tried too but I said I didn’t want one and I saw the look on his face and I can’t get it out of my head he went indoors and burst into tears apparently and it’s all my fault, if I hadn’t of stick those four tiny flakes in he probably would have ate it, I didn’t need to tell him how the sauce was made and I didn’t need to treat him the way I did and I really wish I could give him a cuddle and know he is ok because it’s killing me thinking he might hate me now.

I know I should be more chilled out but when you go round someone’s house for dinner and he is all ‘I don’t likkkke ittttt’ really is irritating, he doesn’t see the bigger picture that someone has cooked for him and it’s hardly a gourmet meal, he doesn’t see that when they come round we want variety and he should have variety in his life, god knows what he will do when he has a hangover he doesn’t eat eggs and isn’t fond of bacon! 

I feel like we came so far and in that one split second of a stupid thought on my part that’s trust I built up with him and food will have gone. He tried korma and loved it, he’s tried Chinese and liked it, damn we even got him eating BBQ flavoured things the other day!! 

I hope he is ok and I haven’t turned into an evil step mum in his eyes, I only want him to enjoy meal times, enjoy the tastes, the smells and eat a little more healthy.

Until next time V x