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Having a purpose 

For the past four weeks I have been happy, I have felt needed but most of all I feel like I have a purpose in life once more.

Gone are the days I lay in bed, day after day, wishing for the day to be over and now on its place I have a sense of hope and self worth, I have a job.

I have a wonderful ‘little’ job, I have a job that isn’t like working at all and each day I wake up in this ‘new town’ making a life for MY self and making MY mark here, not just Jim’s other half but me, Vera making other people’s lives happier as well as my own.

I have a job as an activities coordinator in a care home and I have had lots of jobs over the years but never one so quite rewarding as this one, I’ve done care work before and I always felt settled in that role (for various reason I can’t do it now, it’s too emotional for me) but this job, I get to ‘play’ most of the day and I love it, I get to organise too which is something I relish in. I work along side another lady and between us we are a bit scatty but together we work well!!

I love seeing the elderly peoples faces when a singer comes in and sings just to them, I love being able to just sit and talk about the old days but you know what I love the most? Seeing someone in the supermarket that I know that Jim doesn’t! It’s a weird feeling!

I get to talk to grown ups every day, people that don’t know me and my messed up life before moving here and it’s nice to be just Vera, just me with nothing attached apart from a clean slate.

Finally for the first time in over two years I feel like I’m needed again, I don’t mind having to stay on for an hour extra or having to work my day off, I don’t mind doing any of those things because I finally have a smile on my face, one I achieved all of my own.

I come home each day, Normally via the supermarket and get myself a pastry, put the kettle on and put my key in the door to our room, it’s just a room but it’s my home, our home and it feels great to finally feel like somewhere is properly home and that for the first time in I don’t know when I can help towards bills and food.

It’s an amazing feeling.

Much love V x

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I have a job!!

Since last august when I moved here (well the last day of July but who is counting?!) I haven’t had a job, well I’ve had a couple but for various reasons I haven’t kept them but today after many months of surviving on just Jim’s salary, I finally found a job that I am so looking forward to starting, it’s an activities coordinator in a care home and it’s something I thought of doing it for a while now.

I have the old anxiety creeping in though, will my references come back ok? Will I am be able to get the weekends off I need for my kids? Is the other lady that does it nice? All those worries are creeping in and I’m trying to not worry about it, a lovely friend has given me a relaxation cd to listen to, so I will pop that on soon and try and not fret about the small things.

Today feels like the day I can start actually living in Essex properly and not just an extended visit, which is stupid as I’ve been here almost 8 months now but I know what I mean, it feels like the start of my new life and feels like it’s all coming together.
Much love V x