Can seperated families really be friends

When I split with George two and a half years ago all I wanted was to get away but through his sheer determination for the kids to be as little disrupted as possible, we made it work, we had the ‘weirdest’ break up that anyone probably had ever seen but I wouldn’t change it for the world, of course I would have loved my family to stay together but when two people just aren’t in love anymore, why be miserable and unhappy when you can have what we have now?.

It hasn’t been easy I can tell you getting to this point… see photo of ex husband and future husband…

I won’t lie, it’s been hard going but this weekend it was proof that a family that was once whole, can function divided yet together at the same time, only last Friday when George, Jim and I were hanging out waiting for the boys to get of their bus, a old work friend came along and couldn’t hide her bemusement that both my ex and my future were sitting on a bench, chatting away like old mates while I was sat in the middle of them, she said as long as we were happy that’s the main thing and yes we are, you see I may have fallen out of love with George and I may not see him like I used to (ok I’ll put it blunt…I don’t fancy him anymore) we don’t remain friends just for the boys, we remain friends because that’s what we were before, friends, this year I will have known him 27 years, you can’t throw that longer friendship away just because you don’t love each other anymore.

We were due down to Kent last weekend but after what happened to our beautiful friend, we came down early, Jim and I met George at the pub Thursday and played rock and roll bingo, we hung out most of Friday because we were sorting Becky’s book out etc and Friday evening we were all together for Becky’s minstrel send off (which was a drunken mess but she would have loved it) and Sunday we all got together for little Jims birthday with George’s lovely girlfriend, at no stage did or feel weird or it shouldn’t be like it, it felt normal (although there was odd glances by my ex mother in law at how friendly Jim and George were).

As a result the children are happy, they have their parents back and not arguing, we may have new partners and I may live miles away but they have two parents that aren’t at war anymore, they have two parents that are friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

V x


Best friends

What do you do when you lose a best friend? Mourn and wonder what the hell you actually did wrong to deserve radio silence for a week.

Last weekend that exactly happened, my ex husband George and I have been ‘best friends’ since we split up, I use the inverted commas because we were once very close then naturally boyfriends and girlfriends come along and then one of you moves and before you know it you are just friends, which was fine I could cope with the odd text message but one thing I didn’t realise I would miss is the ability to send funny photos or tag him in posts I found so funny.

The reason for radio silence from I can gather is that I asked for a bit of time off, not because ‘I’m selfish’ or ‘I don’t love my kids’ the reason is we have a room, a one room that we eat, sleep and relax in, each weekend is taken up by kids, we don’t get that luxury of sleeping in, Jim gets up early on a weekday and even if it is a bank holiday for some reason we always have his kids over so for the past two months we haven’t been able to just lie in bed on a weekend like we used to, I had to return ted’s bike and I asked George if we could do it the Saturday morning, it needed stuff doing to it and it made sense, he agreed (he also agreed some weeks earlier that we could have on Saturday morning off) so we get to Saturday morning, the item was in the car waiting to go and I get a text to ask when we would be arriving, I had told George three times it would be lunch time. This is when the shit hit the fan and now because of this and he had a complete meltdown about something else related to me (but wasn’t my fault!) he hasn’t spoken to me since but apart to apologise to me for the melt down but he blocked me and Jim on Facebook for a while and now it’s been nearly a week and I miss my friend.

When we first split I wanted the whole ‘not talking just talk about the kids’ but he fought hard to get us in the place we were at and I accepted the situation and was happy with our balance, we could still go out for a drink or lunch and still see our collective friends but now nothing and I don’t like that feeling.

I know the reason for this whole thing, his girlfriend for some reason feels threatened by me…by ME! I’m getting married next year and I am completely besotted with Jim and I have no idea why she thinks I still have feelings for him, yeah we were married and yeah it must be kind of hard to still have your ex wife hanging about but Jim doesn’t mind that I still go for a drink with him (or did) but it was good for the kids to see their parents like that but now, it’s literally just drop them off and not have the usual handover and I don’t like it.

But there you go, it’s another thing I must overcome and deal with a changed relationship and how to deal with all this when it comes to the kids because we fought so hard for where we were and I feel sorry for them.
V x


Food and the step child 

Dinner time with my step son has become something that I get in a little bit of a tizzy about, it’s not his fault it’s the way his poor mum has brought him up, she has done the best she can with him and with her own intolerances and dislikes for food, it’s rubbed off on him and thus far it has become something that has really consumed me far more than it should have, which is silly as it’s only food right? 

When a child only has what can be described as a ‘beige diet’ like pasta and super noodles, it is a bit of a problem and when you have five children the same weekend and the rest all eat ‘normal’ food and I am not one of these mums/step mums that will cook different foods (unless there is a real reason), so for the past eight months, dinner time with my step son has become something that is hard work, upsetting and sometimes horrible, even the most simple of dishes like a roast dinner was a massive, massive issue.

I understand the difference between  not liking something and NOT liking something because of texture etc (two of my boys are autistic, so things like onion, mushroom and gravy on food  is something that can’t be tolerated, even my youngest will have sausage and Yorkshire but NOT together and definitely no gravy!!) so I understand the difference, my step son simply won’t eat something because his mum doesn’t like it or he has never tried it, he has school dinners and quite frankly I have no idea what he eats at school because I look every week and there is hardly anything on that menu he will eat, so I’ve tried to introduce the meals he would have at school into our menu when they are with us because the difference with home and school dinners, he isn’t ‘made’ to eat school dinners (when I say made, I don’t mean force fed but when he has a choice he simply won’t choose, he will have just what he knows).

Over the past eight months he has eaten a variety of different foods and even though he embarrasses us with family members by saying he doesn’t like something when he openly said to us privately he does, he has come along way, he can now eat a roast dinner, he can now eat things like sweet and sour chicken, chicken korma and rice (that he absolutely hates!), like the last weekend they stayed he mentioned he hated the chicken korma at school so I thought we should try it at home, we changed our approach this week, we didn’t tell him what he was having and didn’t make an ‘issue’ out of it and he sat there and he ate it all up, he even said he loved the korma sauce and over the past two weeks since we mentioned it, I have been worrying to the point of having a mild panic attack over the prospect of tonight’s evening meal and he blew me away with how he ate it up, maybe it was our approach, I have no idea, all I know is something I got panicked over, didn’t need to be.

We still have along way to go with him though and by no means do I think that ‘this is it, we’ve cracked it’ because I know the next weekend they stay it could go completely the other way. He still needs to learn that if he enjoys something with us, he will still enjoy it elsewhere (he has had crying fits elsewhere over carrots), he needs to learn that some foods taste better with seasoning or for example hot dogs taste better with a little bit of sauce, which isn’t the most major thing I know but he is missing out on some awesome little tricks to make food taste even better!! (He will eat for example pizza, which is mainly cheese and tomato right? Try giving him cheese of tomato sauce separately and he won’t have any of it and just until recently he had no idea that a chip was made from potatoes, when he tried to tell us he didn’t like roast potatoes).

But for now, I will take tonight’s little victory that we have conquered one of the meals he said he hated, the next weekend when they stay we will look at his school menu again and serve up a dish from there and see what happens, hopefully he will then choose differently at school, be round someone’s house and not scream the house down he doesn’t like something and most importantly, just eat his dinner in a timely fashion (he can take up to an hour sometimes) and this is the most vital one, actually eat food without making a huge fuss and utter those words ‘I don’t lllllllike it’.

So now all we have to do is crack the  tying of the fucking shoelaces!!!!!

V x