Money and Me

As you can probably tell my shit life stems from one major thing: money. The famous saying “money doesn’t buy you happiness” no but it fucking helps you to live a better life and if anyone says otherwise is lying, you need money for everything these days, years ago when I was a child you could go out to the local town with a fiver in your sequined zip up purse, have a maccy D’s and go into Tammy Girl and buy something (even paying for your bus fare with it) now it costs about £20.00 for a child to go out for a trip up the town, the bus fare is £3.50, the maccy D’s is about £5.39, going and buying something worth while costs about a million fucking quid or going out for the day for a trip to the coast, I remember my mum and dad taking us for a ride along the Kent and Sussex coast, having a meal and it didn’t cost the earth, now you are looking at about £100 for that trip, all those little things that when someone uttered that saying was actually true now it isn’t, because those little trips out is what made people happy, my Saturday trips to Dartford made my week, those Sunday trips out with my family was just the best and my purple trainer I got from Folkestone market in 1992 was the best thing ever (I miss those fucking things!)

I have made some bad choices when it comes to money, my first furore into realising how quick money goes was the £1000 I got when I was 16, my mum and dad had been putting away money with the prudential ever since I was small, when I turned 16 I got half, they got half and within about a month, maybe less it was gone and what did I buy with it? I can’t even tell you, why would anyone let a 16 loose with a grand is beggars belief really and my dad isn’t the greatest with money (he panics when he goes into a shop and doesn’t know what he wants) so I haven’t really had the best role model when it comes to money, they are the type of parents that hide money worries or anything like that from the kids, which isn’t always a bad thing to try and shield your children.

When I turned 19 I was given £1000 on my credit card, I say given because I have never paid it off (I did once but spent it again), then this was just a downward sprial of debt, I can’t even get credit now because of all the choices I made ‘pay a bill or have a take away’ used to be mine and my ex husbands thing and because of that, here I am about to move back into a room with my fiance because I am fucking shit with money.

Since I can remember I have had handouts from my mum and dad and I deeply ashamed to admit it but I am still taking them because quite simply if I didn’t, I would most likely be living under a bridge, without them supporting me I wouldn’t survive, I was doing OK sort of up until 2014 before my marriage ended, they only helped out with the kids school stuff as I wasn’t on a very good wage but they were happy to help their grandsons but then my world fell apart and I found myself moving seven times (soon to be eight) in two years, they helped me with a deposit for the crazy ladies house I lived in for a while (although I didn’t actually ask them they called me up one day to say they would pay it) but then I decided to move to Essex to be with my partner, giving up my job and since then, six months have passed and I have never been so broke in all my life and as much as I love my  man, he isn’t earning a massive amount but he supports the pair of us, we moved into a lovely house in September last year, only for the landlord to want his house back at the end of the month (yes we paid the fucking rent!), so now we go back to the same room we moved from, tail between our legs that life was not better, although it has taught us some major lessons: Don’t be so trusting, Don’t take the first thing you see, Do have two incomes coming in before you make a commitment to a house (while we could afford the rent we were starting to struggle) and it’s taught my partner about bill paying (he never had too before, not like me who just couldn’t give a fuck about the council tax bill….I don’t think like that now, I’ve had many sleepless nights worrying about the bills, which is an odd feeling!)

I think my partner (hes called Jim btw!) and me are good for each other because alone we were bloody awful with money and shit, but together we work, not a lot of people believe this though, all they see is us going backwards but we turned down the offer of a deposit on a new house, we cancelled our wedding because it was another financial burden and they just see us with never being able to afford anything, sure getting the house was risky but it gave us Christmas with our kids and showed us that we need to be more financially secure so off we go to a room and going to save our money and show everyone that 2017/2018 is this year/s that Vera and Jim finally become adults (OK I am not committing to that just yet that’s far to grown up) it’s the year/s Vera and Jim become adult with money…that’s better!

I don’t really blame anyone for my money problems (well maybe my parents a little because they are role models right and should have taught me to save that fiver I took to the town and not spend it s soon as I got it but if I was anything like my kids, as soon as I had that fiver I would need to spend it, maybe they did encourage me to save it but I am being a typical child and not remembering) but now it’s time I stopped the bank of mum and dad, time I took responsibility for my past mistakes and not make any future ones, I’m not saying my life won’t be shit anymore by any means but it might start making me believe that life is actually for living and not for wasting time worrying about money, that we can’t treat the kids and stuff, of course you have to worry about it but I don’t want it to be the focus of my life anymore.

WHOOAA that was far to deep…..but you can see why my lifes so shit!

Much Love  V x