Where do I start? My day normally starts this way, Jim leaning over me and generally frightening the living shit out of me as I am in a deep sleep, he gives me a kiss goodbye (he works in London and I am still getting used to kisses goodbye), I wander downstairs all stylish about seven in the morning, sometimes later it depends if Jim has heard his alarms….he has three!!
I have my morning fag, then I wander back upstairs dazed and confused and get back into my bed fort, sometimes I look at my phone to see if anyone has emailed me (the answer is no, unless you count Mohammed from Africa, apparently I have a job waiting for me, all I have to do is send over some money to him…I think about it for a while and conclude that I don’t like Africa, it’s too hot), I put my phone down once it’s hit me in the forehead a few times and roll over and go back to sleep, I wake again about half ten, I say wake, it’s more of “Oh SHIT!! where am I!”looking as graceful as ever.
Again I go downstairs, by now I feel like a camel that has been walking for days and haven’t found a water source, I gulp some water and immediately regret it as it sticks at the top of my windpipe and I think to myself, I’ve loved my life as I wait for certain death, every fucking morning this happens and do I learn? fuck off of course not!
I have another fag and then think about what I could do, Adam wont be home until half six, if I do housework now, I shall be bored later so I conclude that I will be safer in my bed, not the sofa in my living room watching Holly and Phil but in my purple room under my axe proof duvet.
I will do paragraph two again until I realise A) I forgot to charge my phone last night and my battery is dead or B) I am starving and I must go and eat (either normally leads to two), I leave said phone on charge or take said phone with me downstairs and make a sandwich, fag time again followed by me going back to the fort, I will nap again and around 3pm I shall either have a sudden rush of energy and decide to do the housework or I will stay glued to the bed until at least five, which today is the latter of the two, yes I feel so bloody lazy but I have no motivation to get up and do anything, in terms of the housework, I only need to run the hoover round and if I do that now what will I do tomorrow?! I blame Bruno Marz and I still haven’t learned how to ‘dougie’
As Jim is due back soon I will go and sort dinner followed by a shower because I am sure homeless people smell better than I do (OK not quite as bad but you get the drift)
Jim arrives home and by eleven we are normally in bed being as social as ever, phones are not in our hands (or lap tops), Jim will be mid sentence and falls asleep (normally clutching his phone) and come two in the morning I am still wide awake!!!!
So that’s my Monday to Friday…jesus I need a life.