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Can seperated families really be friends

When I split with George two and a half years ago all I wanted was to get away but through his sheer determination for the kids to be as little disrupted as possible, we made it work, we had the ‘weirdest’ break up that anyone probably had ever seen but I wouldn’t change it for the world, of course I would have loved my family to stay together but when two people just aren’t in love anymore, why be miserable and unhappy when you can have what we have now?.

It hasn’t been easy I can tell you getting to this point… see photo of ex husband and future husband…


I won’t lie, it’s been hard going but this weekend it was proof that a family that was once whole, can function divided yet together at the same time, only last Friday when George, Jim and I were hanging out waiting for the boys to get of their bus, a old work friend came along and couldn’t hide her bemusement that both my ex and my future were sitting on a bench, chatting away like old mates while I was sat in the middle of them, she said as long as we were happy that’s the main thing and yes we are, you see I may have fallen out of love with George and I may not see him like I used to (ok I’ll put it blunt…I don’t fancy him anymore) we don’t remain friends just for the boys, we remain friends because that’s what we were before, friends, this year I will have known him 27 years, you can’t throw that longer friendship away just because you don’t love each other anymore.

We were due down to Kent last weekend but after what happened to our beautiful friend, we came down early, Jim and I met George at the pub Thursday and played rock and roll bingo, we hung out most of Friday because we were sorting Becky’s book out etc and Friday evening we were all together for Becky’s minstrel send off (which was a drunken mess but she would have loved it) and Sunday we all got together for little Jims birthday with George’s lovely girlfriend, at no stage did or feel weird or it shouldn’t be like it, it felt normal (although there was odd glances by my ex mother in law at how friendly Jim and George were).

As a result the children are happy, they have their parents back and not arguing, we may have new partners and I may live miles away but they have two parents that aren’t at war anymore, they have two parents that are friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

V x

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A beautiful light has gone out


My friend becky, my beautiful, funny, weird friend becky has passed away and how my heart hurts.

She used to read this blog with our friend Emma in the cafe we used to work in together and she used to laugh about the things I would write, I never once thought I’d have to or want to write a blog about my friend, my friend who I only worked with for 6 weeks and knew less than a year but in that time, it felt like we had been friends forever.

When I first met becky she popped into the cafe because she was coming back to work after taking a 6 month break, trying her hand at something new but her heart was back at the cafe, she seemed nice enough but the day she came back to work, it was a Tuesday I fucking hated her, within an hour she had pulled everything apart, made me feel like I didn’t know anything and I spent the evening in tears but somehow becky had this amazing knack of just loving everybody and by the Friday, it could even have been the Thursday, we were in the pub, getting smashed and me in awe of her, knowing everyone and everyone loving her, even with her messy hair (and for the record I stuck firm on her touching my saucers!).

Becky was gorgeous, funny, very bright and had this really posh accent that at times shocked me when the world ‘fuck’ came out of it, which was rare but it happened, she had the most amazingly messy hair, she had the worst dress sense I have ever witnessed, if I had dared dress in a sack for work I would have looked like a right knob but not her, she strolls into work hair like she had been dragged through a bush and this thing on that looked like it should have had potatoes in but she pulled it off, I ripped it out of her all day but becky just gave it back, the ripped jeans she wore once was another cracker they had such big holes in them she might as well took them off and walked around naked from the waist down but that was her, you never knew what wonders she would find in a charity shop or would dare to wear but she pulled them all off.

When we went out drinking, she wasn’t a smoker but would always have a couple when the drinks were flowing and she had this most odd way of smoking, she would smoke out the side of her mouth looking like Dot Cotton and it was amusing for us all, everytime!! She was oblivious to it and I’m sure she done it even more to make us laugh.

When it time for me to leave the cafe I had decided I didn’t want any fuss but no, becky had other ideas and in came the fancy dress ideas and I had the best night of my entire life thanks to her, without her encouraging me I wouldn’t have known how loved I was (or another way to look at it, how much people wanted to see the back of me and was making sure it was happening!), we said we would wear 50’s clothes but her dress was a little more mini mouse but by the time we were in the pub she had drew a moustache on her face and we partied the night away and getting up on stage at the end of the night to sing my way, she was there, along with everyone else and I always have that very special memory.

Even though I didn’t live there anymore, I always made a beeline for the cafe, always ready for a becky hug and to hear about her crap crush and we would normally head over the road for a drink, she used to plead with me to try and stay but I couldn’t I had to get back with the boys, which makes tomorrow so heartbreaking as I had plans to do just that, stay and we were meant to be going to the pub, all those times she asked me to stay and I couldn’t but I arranged it so we could (it did also tie in with my sons prom so it worked out well) and now instead of laughing with her, now we are all meeting to give her a minstrel goodbye and I am heartbroken.

I feel bad to feel like this, others knew her for way longer and I can only imagine how they feel, I can’t imagine what her family are going through but if they are anything like becky, there will be plenty of hugs and words of wisdom.

Fly high my friend, my best friend, my heart will never be the same again.

V x